Fake Weddings.

I've mentioned before to you guys that I love Halloween. However, if you've been following my life anecdotes via blog, you may remember how I didn't do anything last year. Despite being all pumped, I ended up at home. I think I went to a diner, in normal Karen-clothes. My Dad forced my sister and I to go into a neighbor's spooky fun house, which was kind of spooky (especially since I was tired yet awkwardly Red Bulled up) and not fun. Not fun at all.

However, this year, I have plan ideas as well as a costume. Quite possibly the best costume I've put together in a long time. And I'd tell you what I was, but that kind of ruins the fun. Let me state it this way. I will not dress up like the following:

1. Garfield

2. Stick-On-Car Garfield

3. Giant pair of pants (This has been a costume suggestion by my sister for the last ten years)

The best part about Halloween is that rent is due the next day! ... Hoo... Ray.

I posted in my twitter about how my neighbors upstairs were most likely trying out for the Olympic sport of door slamming. Typically they've been good, despite the year-long shun they had after I had my birthday party, and the monkey printed underwear they threw in my hallway. So I didn't mind the doorslamming so much.

The next day, I saw a new door in the hallway, and figured that they slammed too hard.

Two days later, I got a message from my landlord about how a guy was going to come and sand the floors on Thursday or Friday of last

week. He came on Wednesday instead, when I spent most of the day in bed. Figures.

However, then I went to do some laundry and realized that my neighbors didn't have their laundry gear decorating their washer and dryer. Both were, in fact, unplugged. I put the pieces together.

My neighbors moved out?!

Wow. Now I felt bad. I wish I could have written them a card or something. The 5 times I've seen them were simply "walk past" occasions. A montage played in my head, of the time I held the door open for my guy neighbor while watching fireworks outside. The time I bumped into my female neighbor while testing the keys before work, upon moving in last December. The glares they gave me when party guests infiltrated the hallway. Plus two other times. It makes for a great montage.

Last night, I had a feeling that new neighbors may have moved in. That, or the sanding guy invited some friends over. Being that I don't know who'd move in on a Tuesday, and I never saw trucks or heard the thud of heavy furniture, I'm guessing it's the latter. So, who knows. Life is a

mystery!!

Anyway. Despite not having a TV, there are still some shows that I cannot miss. One, being The Office, which has - let's face it - fallen off the wagon a lot recently. Yet, it's not something that I can just turn off. Kind of like Friends. I lost interest about 3 Ross-Weddings in, but it was just familiar, and something to do on Thursday.

Next week is the big Pam and Jim crazy wedding episode. This episode even warranted a

(pretty!) cover on Entertainment Weekly last week. This is the couple that people wanted to happen for three seasons, and then got bored with when they got their way.

Let me interject with something here. This season, I watched all but one episode of the trainwreck reality show More To Love, also known lovingly as "Fat Bachelor". This show was more of less a bunch of very pretty, plus sized girls (who made it into the finals) and horrible, loud, inappropriate-clothes-wearing obese women (who were cut soon). All of them cried, and sobbed, and blamed their weight for A) Not going to prom, B) Not having friends, C) Not being able to ride a horse or jetski, D) The reason they never went on dates, E) The reason they will never find love.

The prize? A dude named Luke. Luke's an average looking, kind of boring big dude. However, he is the answer to their prayers, and similar to real life, Luke went on group dates with them, including staged proms (since supposedly bigger people aren't allowed into prom, if TV has taught me anything), and made out with almost all of the finalists.

Each episode was very similar. The formula was, "Show a lot of shots of the girls eating" "Show a girl crying about being overweight" "Sound-byte of Luke saying 'I may be in love with more than one of them!'" "ELIMINATION TIME."

The final two included the "trailer trash blonde girl Luke had a thing for since episode 1, with the huge rack" and the "Israeli mystery woman, who may not fit into Luke's lifestyle". Blonde girl - name already forgotten - was in it to win it. Israeli girl - Tali - may have even fooled me, since she was in it for "love".

He chose right. However, the last episode was a proposal episode, which is a huge mistake. Luke, my boy. If you are jonesing between two women, a marriage won't solve it. Dumbass. Dumbass show! But I digress. Him and Tali seemed genuinely happy together, and despite being turned off week after week, and losing any craving for pizza I may have had prior to, they sold it. I actually wish them luck, if they lasted more than a week post production.

Now, Jim and Pam? Yeah. That spark just isn't there any more for me. They've morphed into two really unlikable characters, kind of in a "us against the world" type deal. I used to kind of relate to Pam, and now I think she needs to shut her mouth half of the time. Complaining about money after getting a promotion and having your fiance get a promotion? Weddings are expensive. And I don't have a job at all, so... shut up, Pam!

Am I saying that Luke and Tali's relationship was more sincere? I mean, let's be honest, both are fictional. I... don't know, really. But at this point, I'd rather see their wedding than Jim and Pam's wedding. I actually re-watched the moment Jim proposed today (which probably made this entire issue blogworthy and fresh in my mind) and realized that ... that was probably the last moment where I liked them.

I'm still watching, but I'm not psyched about it. Like I said, it's just another Thursday.

The show I'm bummed about not seeing live is It's Always Sunny, and I thank the lord of Hulu for making this possible. Episode one was okay. Episode two was great. Episode three hasn't been watched yet by me, but probably will be tomorrow, if available.

So, I don't know. I know I'm ranting about television, but am I alone in not really caring anymore? Anyone actually really like The Office this season? Am I being too hard on it?

Prepare for a big wedding recap. And by big, I mean "there may be some bullet points, and I'll probably recap what's happening around me while I'm watching."

My Typical Day

A promise fulfilled.

Cooked Comics

My good friend Gina just launched her new website, and I told her this morning that I should pay her to make me a website. Then I realized, hey! I don't write enough as is. So, here are some things I promise to do.

1. I promise to visit Gina's site often, and encourage you to do the same.

2. I promise to write more in this, and eventually move to another domain.

3. I promise to be confused on how to work and update aforementioned domain, and cry about the "youth today" and "newfangled World Wide Webs!"


4. This already doomed website will include a cartoon written and illustrated by me. I mean, you all remember "Jimmy Goes To College", right? It was pretty much the best comic in the 2003 year of my college paper.


















Yeah, I don't think my artwork has improved since then. And sadly, that was after 4 and a half years of private art school, y'all!

5. I still promise to do a video post. I tried one, based on a case of Sugar Free Red Bull I purchased, but let's face it. It would have been lame. Also, the microphone on my camera was momentarily broken. The purpose of said video would have been, "Hey! I drink a lot of Red Bull. This is problematic. Where is a hospital?"

So, right now I'm back in NJ for my sister's bachelorette party, which is tomorrow, in NYC. My sister has been amazing throughout the entire wedding procedure, and it's 1 of 3 reasons as to why my writing has stalled. Planning and helping is tough out of state, but we're doing good. The wedding should be fun. Since my sister gave me the proof of the "wedding song list", I can give you all a spoiler. The Electric Slide will, in no way, be played. Not the original, not the new version, or not a version a guest just created on the spot.

A few weeks ago, we had her bridal shower. I had to give some on-the-spot speeches (thanks, Broadcasting major!) and it was a sole reminder that I need to give a maid of honor speech. Any tips? Really. A glass of wine will help ease the tension I have always, but it'll also make me weepy during the speech. Yet, since my sister and I are mighty close as is, I'll probably be weepy regardless. I hope nobody who attends takes a video. But they may, based on how many people took pictures of the shower.


Last Friday was THE Friday. You know, the one I wrote about like, 4 months ago. David Cook concert. And, hey. I'll spare you the 100 pictures I took, and settle on one video. I mean, this is my blog, so I should feel privilaged to write about celebrity fantasy rock star crushes in great detail, but at the same time I want to keep my limited readership.






!!!! Okay, I have to say more. It was amazing. Despite the fact that the chairs were pretty much on top of each other, and despite me tripping over a row to get to my chair, and despite the fact that the dude next to me (who very obviously wanted to be... well, anywhere else) took up two chairs, it was an amazing show. I would definitely see him again. I'm not ashamed to admit that I felt as if my season 7 voting time (approximately 2.5 hours, season wide) was not time wasted.

Since I'm posting videos, I also want to post this. My friend Reed and his awesome wife are doing a project which I support 100% (and will support monetarily very soon), and here's a video explaining why you should do the same. Even getting an e-mail about this project made me realize how I should be far more creative than I have been recently (see aforementioned cartoon strip. Yes! It's terrible! But it was something!) (Also, this is when I should mention how "Jimmy Goes To College" was cancelled by me, after my college publication sabotaged it by printing it unreadably dark, and referring it to "Jimmy Gies To College") (Another sidenote, for people who didn't know me then. The purpose of the cartoon was to not be funny. You know. Like Family Circus for 2003.)




There was once a Sizzler at my (NJ) local mall, which has since closed down. But it's still part of my childhood, and I'm psyched about when this project is in full swing. If you have some change, and like Sizzler/photography/I'm Reed Fish/this blog/supporting art in general, I recommend this project.

This is a short entry, but believe me. I'll get better at this. Promise. (Really!)

Operation Impossible

First off, this is the most hilarious thing you (or, I) will find on a Monday morning. Besides the fact that I had an knee-slappingly unfortunate purchase at Sheetz. It's a shame when you don't know if your ciabatta roll is A) moldy, or B) supposed to look that way. (FYI: I picked around it.)

I had the fortune of seeing many movies this weekend. Many being 4. Two on DVD, and two (yes, two!) in theaters. I'm exclaiming this because the last movie I had seen in theaters was Adventureland, with Movie-Buddy Jordan, and I was talking about it probably every day from then till now. And now, you can Netflix it. Before that was Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, which happened back when Michael Cera was a little less chastised for wearing hoodies/playing himself/being a jerk about not wanting to sign on board for the Arrested Development movie. So, it's been awhile.

Here's a recap of every movie in 5 long sentences or less, in the order which I saw them.

The Rage In Placid Lake. The first and last movie Ben Lee acted in. The premise is, Placid Lake is a weirdo (as most people are who have awkward non-human names in movies - cough cough, Napoleon Dynamite) who freaks out enough to be put in a body cast, and when he's removed from his coffin of cast, he wants to live a normal life. Yeah, that's the movie. Choppy editing, some good dialogue, but I almost forgot I watched it. However, the previews in the beginning of the DVD were laughably hysterical and foreign, so ... there's that. 3/5 stars

Inglourious Basterds. Hey, it's a Tarantino film that involves Nazis! I really liked this one - not as much as Pulp Fiction or Kill Bill - primarily since Tarantino's style in telling a story is awe inspiring. I admit, being the pansy I am, I had to shut my eyes through about 1/4th of it - since there is a lot of scalping (euugh!) and blood (baahh!) - but I expected it, since it's a Tarantino film and I did the same thing with the others I've seen. His characters make you feel something, whether it be fear, pity, or familiarity, which is refreshing. 4.5/5 stars

I Love You, Man. Now, I have heard nothing but positive about this movie, which make me a bit skeptical since expectations were set. And it was good, partially because I love everything Jason Segel does and everything he chooses to be. I laughed out loud maybe two or three times, and don't regret seeing it - especially since the plot (friendless, bumbly groom to be seeks wedding party to balance bride-to-be's 6 friends) was interesting, but it could have been more. Also, I still have no clue how I feel about Rashida Jones. 3.5/5 stars

And finally!

Post Grad. Well, I knew this movie wouldn't blow my mind away with its cinematic brilliance, but I have to admit that I could - and still can - relate to the premise. Brown haired blue eyed girl graduates with an English/Communication combo, and realizes she can't find employment anywhere, and has to move in with her wacky quirky family, which she didn't want to do at all!! Well, I think I'm reviewing this a bit harsher because I went through it, but this movie lacked emotion and likable characters, when it could have really dug deeper into the situation of being an unemployed or underemployed graduate. Oh, and spoiler! It sucked. 1.5/5 stars

There are still a bunch of movies I want to see, which is a good feeling.

Also, here's news. I'm actually a bit tan/burned. Which I didn't think would happen at all this summer. I saw a pool for the first time in about a year, and sat in direct sunlight for the first time in about 8 years. This being said, it's apparent as to how I forgot how to properly apply sunblock. (It was applied, Dad and Leigh! I did use it! Just not good enough!)

Also - yes! It's that time again. (permission granted to skip this whole paragraph) HATEBALL V. 3.0 Sunday was the draft, in which I chose a bunch of players with names that sounded cool and stats that I didn't understand, but looked good. It's the only time of the year where I embrace my severe goofy nerd insides, and pretend to enjoy football, which I don't know how to play. My team this year is called Hug Auctioneers (which isn't up to par with Euthanized Sprinkles of last year, but... some things need to pass, and we all need to move on) (Also, I wanted to use an Office reference from this past seas

on - this one was from "Crime Aid", which I liked very much) ... So, wish me luck! (please continue reading)

The other day, I stumbled across these.

Huh. What a weird concept. So naturally, I had to buy them.

And, well, I'd write something about it, but during my search for that picture, I realized that my future boyfriend and husband guy who I admire greatly who also gets giddy over weird things over at x-entertainment already found them. And, well, our opinions - as usual, in these future relationships that were meant to be! fan situations, are pretty similar. And I quote.

Looking at the snacks, I realize that it’d take a psychotically advanced mind to connect Operation to them without the clues provided by the box and foily wrappers. There are frogs, birds, bells, dogs — all stuff that ties into the board game, but not in any remarkably iconic way. Really, it’s the sort of inane assortment you’d expect from a generic brand of fruit snacks found at the comically ethnic closeout store on the wrong side of the tracks. Plus, from everything I’ve seen, the individual packets include too many yellows and nowhere near enough reds. I consider this a personal insult, and so should you.

And how! To prove the fact that I felt exactly the same about the overabundance of yellows, check out this real time gchat quote.

me: currently eating: Operation gummies

Out of 6 gummies, 4 are yellow

3:06 PM Greg: lucky?

me: Yellow is the worst. HOWEVER

They were quite tasty

And they were! But still, too much. I feel like whomever was responsible at the Operation Fruit Snack factory really dropped the ball on this one, ordering way too much yellow crap and far too little of the redeeming flavor: red.

Really. And I was also perplexed by the gummy mold selection. Smiley faces? Frogs? No. They're Operation gummies. I want to eat Water On The Knee. Case closed!

Next update: Video - I promise! Also, I will thoroughly detail the time where I killed a shark with a surfboard, and saved summer.

Reunion.

Yeah, I haven't written in awhile. Deal with it!

(Thanks for staying on board.)

My hiatus was filled with some e-mails to old friends, filled with wanderlust and awkward philosophies I've grown to adopt based on the fact that I am very slowly losing my marbles. Also, I wanted to post a video, and it took a month for me to find my camera charger. But it was found! Score! (It was in a zippered pocket in my travelin' backpack. Which is ironic, since I thought I checked that backpack before. And that exact zippered pocket. So, I'd like to think that I slowly recreated it based on wishes and imagination. Note. I lost my marbles, remember?)

What brings my return is not just a number of pleads from Dan Kelly - whom I have forced to participate in the 2009 round of hateball despite his opposition/fear of losing (if anyone has some good team names, please post them! They need to be Office or Arrested Development related, as the gaming rules go. But I prefer Office, as I am more of a fan.) It was more or less this article, brought to me by my sister.

SAY WHAT?

Come on, guys! (In summary, the title is "Saved By The Bell Stars Screw Fallon for People Magazine") (Also, Screech is not included. Good!)

To summarize, in case you haven't been twitter friends with Jimmy (How dare you!) he's been trying to stage a Saved By The Bell reunion for some time now. Almost everyone seemed on board. It was a good thing. It was the small light in my dull life.

Now, I have not watched Jimmy's show, but I would if I could. Not only did he line my walls with adorable smirks in freshman year of college, I genuinely thought he was a good guy. Plus, I enjoyed the movie Fever Pitch, when I didn't think I would. My devotion to Saved By The Bell doesn't need to be rehashed. I watched every episode - even the Tori episodes, which barely counted - numerous times. I wanted to marry Zack Morris. And I wanted to change him, and have him ditch his life sized Kelly poster and horrible band, Zack Attack.

Regardless as to whether or not they make a Fallon appearance as well, this magazine definitely kills some of the anticipation I had regarding aforementioned reunion. Now I know what they look like now! Poor Jimmy is probably writing in his diary, wondering why he was cut out of the equation. And for that, I am sorely, sorely disappointed in the entire cast and crew, whether or not they were related to this or not. I'm looking at you, Ernie Sabella.

The "pro" of this downfall is the fact that Michael Jackson is only featured in the tiny square to the right. Yeah, I'm sure there's a full article in there, but I haven't bought tabloids in about a month due to the overcoverage of his death. I shake my fist full of newfound cash I've saved due to the cause at you, tabloids!

It's a travesty. Yes, that's what it is.

My sister did tell me that the Tiffani (Amber) Thiessen Funny or Die clip attached to that link was good, but from my first impression - albiet not watching it - she needs to put a shirt on. Sorry, Tiffani Amber. It had to be said. I'm a prude girl.

Hm. What else has happened since I last posted... here's a list.

1. I learned how to jump through hoops of fire.

2. I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. (see #1)

3. I have learned that facebook really annoys the shit out of me, to higher degrees than normal. I have also taken the "get off my lawn" approach to social networking. Thus,

4. I have aged.

5. I also like Werther's Originals*.

6. Thanks to the act of RSVPing, I've learned that all of my sister's fiance's friends and relatives are horribly nice and polite.

7. Thanks to the act of RSVPing, I've learned that people in New York and New Jersey don't like RSVPing.

Really, guys. We're planning fun and fancy things here. And my sister has been voted the Best Belz Sister - knocking me to an acceptable 2nd place - for five consecutive years in a row. Tell us if you're going to stuff!

(I know I'm not the best at this either, but I blame facebook - another reason for my hatred of it - for having a "maybe" option. Since I'm so unpredictable at all times, it's an easy out for me. "Yeah, maybe I'll be there." "Thank you for telling me about your event! There's a good chance I will go, and a good chance I won't. So it's pretty much the same result had you not sent me this -vite at all.")

8. I kind of learned that I need to keep a distance from people and situations, when they start to make me feel like crap. It's never intentional, and I'm overly sensitive... I know. It's just that in this town, so much stuff overlaps, and it's tough not to get sucked into the dramatic aspects of it. It's worked out well so far, but it's a slow process. Hopefully I'll have a clear mind and get everything straight. LOL. BFF4E. **

And, hooray. I'll write more later.

* They were always a choice candy. Now, even moreso.

** Otherwise I may have to hire a brain doctor. And the last one I went to prescribed me placebos, which I later identified as Mike & Ike's. NOT COOL.

We're Watching You.

So, here's something to be weirded out by. Lancaster City is installing "security cameras" throughout town. This is a move that puts Lancaster on the map... in a poor way.

Pretty soon, Lancaster City will be one of the most - if not the most - guarded cities in the country. Which is hilarious, since most people don't even recognize Lancaster has a city to begin with.

This was a decision that - to the best of my knowledge - wasn't voted on. In fact, Lancasteronline.com, where I personally go for local news, doesn't even mention it. The story about my own neighborhood was found via Los Angeles Times, an entire side of the country away. What's Lancaster reporting on? How more people are brewing their coffee at homes these days. Thrilling news, you guys!

It's not even the local police who will be examining the streets. Oh, no. It's a completely different source. Their goal is to be able to "stop crime before/during when it happens". However, it has been proven that these methods don't work. Need more links to news stories about how they don't work? Here you go. So, if I leave to go grocery shopping, some stranger is 100% capable of figuring out when I leave and when I come back. Something I never really put much thought into... until right now.

All of this money is being put towards making the city "safer"... so why do I feel more paranoid about living here than I did before? Think of it this way. If I were stabbed to death on the street, the only thing that these cameras would do would be to give whoever was watching a great video that could end up on YouTube, or the news for my friends and families to see. I'd still be stabbed. The dude or chick who committed the crime would know fully aware that there was a camera present, so I think that they would do an even better job of hiding their identity. Great.

From what I've heard, my family would have no permission to keep this footage hidden. So, they could project the fictional attack out into space, for all I know. I don't know who would, but these are rights that I have absolutely no control over.

Throughout all my time in the city from college till now, I've had strangers A) yell obscenities and propositions at me from their car, B) Blatantly ask my coworkers for my work schedule, and C) Try and request my friendship on social networking sites/find me on social networking sites. And I'm not great, but I'm a local who doesn't hole herself into her living space. Who knows who will be behind those cameras?

I'll shut up, and point you in the direction of Greg's blog, which actually details the entire offense even more. His is far more factual, and not equivalent to a bunch of frown faces and exclamation points, like mine is. Also, he's attempting to do something about it, so three cheers to him. Hip hop hooray.

So, in summary... :( !

Good Cop Bad Cop

Hey, it's Sunday, and I'm not awake at 4:30 PM due to over exhaustion and lack of sleep from the entire week! Hooray!

I need to jot down a dream, since it was vivid and alarming. Also, it involved me yelling at a cop, which I was proud of dream-me for.

Pretty much, it started off as me coming back to my apartment to see the door slightly opened. Peaking in, I see a guy in there, just stealing away. My master plan is to try and barricade him in from the outside. So nervously I see him trying to sneak out, when he sees me and makes a run for it.

I pretty much slam his head into the door, and do this repeatedly, before wussy kicking him. No, no. Although the doorslam was impressive for me, it was a move I'm 98% sure I stole from 2001's Josie and the Pussycats. My other fight skills were still pretty weak - but I did it!

Now, in reality, I was missing my phone for all of yesterday. Although I finally found it wedged in my bed sheets late last night, I was noticeably without phone in the dream -what I had was some emergency only device that looked like a baby monitor with buttons.

Unfortunately, "911 was busy", and I got a 911 voicemail. Around this time, D showed up and told me she'd watch the door, holding the criminal inside, while I found a police officer. So began my baby monitor-holding panic walk around Lancaster. So, that took some dream time. But it was a dream-nice day out. And then I found someone!

It was a young looking cop named Winston. He laughed at my problems and told me there was nothing he could do about it. "Isn't that your job? I have this guy trapped. What do you expect me to do?" "Karen, this is your biggest problem in life? Being robbed? You know, I have a job and a wife and kid, and I'm 22 years old." Dissed!

I come back to my apartment, defeated, and see D, Jordan, Conor, the robber ("Sean") and an official looking police officer jotting some notes down. The robber has his arms tied up behind him in a chair. So, all these people pretty much solved the problem while I was out with stupid Winston.

The robber revealed to stealing almost all of my personal hygiene products. Shampoo, conditioner, and stuff that makes my hair all curly and not frizzy. He said that was it. He told me Finn was still alive and well. Then I went into some sentimental speech about how I'm struggling to financially make it out here, and how he really chose the wrong household to rob. He seemed apologetic.

I went into the apartment - my products being held as "evidence" - and noticed he also took all of my clothes. And that was it.

I have had vivid dreams, but dreams where you remember specific names like that? Awkward! Needless to say, I know where a lot of it came from - mentally. Also, now I want to watch Josie and the Pussycats again and again. It's a good movie - shut up!

Last night, D had a b-day BBQ, and I regret not having pictures, but a major kudos to her/the party for the following:

1. Recreating Purple. The best sugary sugar-free drink in the world. To jog your memory...

Seriously. Me, Hitch, and D in a room together with this drink is just dangerous. And D making it again after me harassing her about it was great.

2. Having THREE kinds of veggie burgers, including the amazing Morning Star brand black bean burger. It was a fiesta 'o flavor. And on the grill, it's far better than in a microwave. Everyone should try these.

3. Everyone for being so calm with people writing on them with Sharpie marker. I gained a great tattoo of Hitch's face on my right arm, that I later had to parade around Sheetz when my need for late night coffee was too great. Nobody gave me a dirty look, that I know of. However, other partygoers served a far worse fate. Namely D, who pretty much got her whole arm graffitied in Belz/Hitch birthday wishes.

4. Geof Baum, for a really good hug. Thanks buddy!

Oh, what else rocks. Uh. Um. Yes.

Well, I caved into my nerd tendencies.
In September, I will be in section E. And on stage, there will be David Cook.

Yes, I have bought one ticket to see the guy live. But I just couldn't pass up the opportunity. Expect a billion videos and pictures that nobody cares about but me in September. I am legitimately psyched, and I haven't been psyched about anything in a long, long time.

I'm worried about 3 things. 1. The cougars. 2. The screamy girl fans (which may or may not include me, I don't know) 3. Passing out due to excitement or weather. Hopefully between then and now I will learn how to properly avoid these fatalities.

And with that said, I need to clean my apartment!