Bad Romance.

I'd like to preface this by saying that I really owe an e-mail to Latoya. She even texted me about it. However, between then and now, I became outraged - so I need to totally jeopardize our strong friendship yet again. I'm sure she'll understand.

Fantasy Conversation

Me: Well Latoya, as you are one of the people who truly values my mad skillz as a writer, I prefer my blog to rant about something dumb, over writing to you about important life events we've both experienced recently.
Latoya: It's okay, friendo. You can do no wrong in my eyes! Also, that check I wrote to you for no reason except for our friendship is on it's way.

And here's why I'm outraged. I just got a work e-mail saying that people in the restaurant/hospitality industry should really prepare for Sex and the City 2. (My words, not theirs) Since it's a good way to cash in on all those disillusioned, slutty teenagers and old women who just want to have a Cosmo with the g-friends, and totally dish while wearing the most adorb stilettos ever! This movie is a way for businesses to totally cash in and profit, despite having no affiliation with the movie!

I know I'm in the minority for being a young female, and just hating this show. Thus hating all of the products that come out of this show. After watching maybe an episode and a half, I just realized... I didn't care. It's similar to why I hate reading recent girl-centric fiction, since it's all about cheating, and friend drama, and shopping. Also known as, the life I merely heard about when I was fifteen or so and wanted to have no part of.

So, am I bitter that they're making a sequel? Of course not. I mean, the first movie was highly profitable, and again - I am in the minority. If people want to see it, people will see it. Plus (thank the lawd) it's not in 3D, so it does have that going for it.

However, this movie looks like a ton of horse shit. "What's a vacation without my favorite females?!?" "I fell off a donkey! How embarrassing!" "What mystery boyfriend of my past is going to totally sweep me off my feet this time??"

Maybe it's all just veiled anger that girl movies usually don't ... satisfy me. Sure, I was a big Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan fan back in the day. I will never not be in the mood to watch Sleepless In Seattle. But today, I feel like movies geared to the romantic in me, or the girl in me, just fall short of ... everything. They're marketed to make a buck and push some lifestyle, and quite often the writing and production of the film is pushed aside.

A lot of movies I like are movies with characters I can somehow relate to, which... probably plays a part in all of this. I very much enjoy Tina Fey's non-SNL characters. Janeane Garofalo in The Truth About Cats and Dogs seemed real to me. Michael Rosenbaum as Adina in Sorority Boys was like me 180%!! But.. the Sex and the City cast? Eh, not so much.

That being said, I realized why The Office worked in season 2 and 3. And why Parks & Rec worked in season 2. All of the romantic parts that make ladies swoon and wish they could make out with Jim Halpert were subtle. Very rarely do they take over the plot, but they still exist. Like, in aforementioned Sleepless In Seattle, which - is probably in the top 5 of romantic comedies of all time on some list somewhere - the characters are developed enough so that you actually have a heart for them. Never in this movie did Tom Hanks say, "Oh shit, son! I was on the radio, and now all these ladiez want me!! LOL. I'm gonna pounce on all dem hoes, and show them how lonely I've been since my wife died!!"

Instead, he told his son that all of these letters were stupid. And only when the son persisted and ran away to meet the woman he knew would be perfect for his Dad did Tom Hanks run out there (for him!) and end up meeting his "soulmate", who was a kind of dowdy, L.L. Bean Meg Ryan. Then the movie ended. Match and game.

Cut back to the non-80s, (aka "present day") when I get an e-mail from people telling me to push this sequel so that a girl can go out, spend a ton of money, and achieve a vapid life like it's characters, in order to make a dime. Honestly, if I'm out at a bar the night that this movie comes out and I see any group of girls sipping on grapefruit flavored drinks while talking about how wild and crazy they are, they will get punched. (Not by me, but by someone. And I will laugh.)

If you think I'm just prejudice due to it being Sex and the City, let's look at Amanda Seyfried. A girl who in 2010 starred in both Dear John and the (upcoming?) Letters to Juliet. Dear John was penned to be the next The Notebook, which I also hated (despite the blindingly attractive Ryan Gosling) solely since they were both written by Nicholas Sparks. Letters to Juliet is supposed to be the must-see movie if I want my heart to explode in a billion pieces, but the plot just sounds like the typical "girl goes on vacation and falls in love unexpectedly!" scenario.

And excuse me. That's been done. I mean, haven't you seen The Lizzie McGuire Movie? Gosh. Thank god she realized she truly loved Gordo in the end.

Uh. I mean.

Anyway.

While I can't truly fault these movies, as I'm basing a lot of my theories on assumption and message boards, now would be the time to remind you that I saw Post Grad in theaters last year - and was really excited about it at first. All that movie announced was that "If you don't get your dream job right away, and maybe have to wait a few years to climb the corporate ladder first, you should just quit and chase some dude who you treated like shit across the country." Rory Gilmore Alexis Bledel was too good and bitchy to work in a luggage shop, and she couldn't even wait a year or so to move forward in a company that fit her major. Fucking lame.

I can't fault Amanda Seyfried for trying to be lumped in with actresses who can lead a "romantic" movie, since as you all know, that role was once in possession of - you got it, Meg Ryan. And eventually, Meg Ryan had to pass the torch down sometime, after that Russell Crowe scandal and all the plastic surgery. But I feel like with Ryan, at least she was somewhat selective of her roles. In You've Got Mail, she played a bookstore owner who was really proud of her tiny shop, and had the smarts to try and stick around as long as she could before Tom Hanks bought her out. Hell, she didn't even realize her crush was Tom Hanks until the very end of the movie. And then Dreams by The Cranberries played. Subtleness, people. Really.

In general (As I, too, realize this is a lengthy and out of control rant) I just can't support a movie that has such wimpy, egotistical female leads. I know a ton of women out there are wimpy and egotistical, and care more about expensive shoes than - say - trying to find a cure for cancer, but I spend a lot of my time trying to avoid them in the real world. I won't spend ten dollars to see one on screen. And I won't spend even more than that to try and emulate one.

Rant over.

Next blog entry: I talk about how Twilight sucks, but how the people who are on "Team Jacob" suck even more. Also- my fave recipes ever! And probably something about cats.