Really. The reason I haven't posted for awhile is since I had a pledge with Camp Lohan. I would resume posting once she was safely out of rehab for the 9th time, as a sign of support. Yes. That's totally what happened. Go Team Lohan! Another excuse is, I've been using my totally great writing prowess to piece together something in screenplay form.
Moving forward!
I'm not sure if any of you have "food stages", but it's something I unknowingly cycle through. For awhile, it was cereal - I could eat it any time. I was well versed on not just cereal mascots, but cereal varieties as well. Special K put out a new flavor? Boom. I'm there. Even if it looked absolutely disgusting.
My own laziness to buy soymilk post-NJ move really killed the whole thing. That and, while my Dad took pride in cleaning my caked-on cereal dishes after the fact (it was one of his favorite things to do, ever!) leaving similar gross bowls in the sink on the way to work was a surefire way to piss off my Danny Tanner-esque roommate at the time. I was only living by myself for about 1.5 months when I was canned from my job, and everyone knows that post work depression + cereal + cereal bowls = bugs, so I decided to steer clear.
Well friends, I've been eating cottage cheese for breakfast for maybe the past 6 months. (No, I'm not an old lady! Get off my lawn!) It went from the tubs, with fruit added in, to the individual packets you can buy at Giant with the fruit mash in a different "compartment" for a dollar. My reasoning was, "cottage cheese is good for you, right?" After all, in NJ diners, the "health" dinner consists of a barrel of cottage cheese presented in a lettuce leaf, with random canned-quality food surrounding it. (No, I never actually ordered it, but I decided to disgust myself with the idea of actually ordering that monstrosity at a diner no less. )
Throughout the day, I usually eat mixed nuts brought from home, carrots with ranch dressing, and an apple. Dinner changes up, but it's usually one of 4 things.
The other day, Greg was trying to make the best hard boiled eggs. This conversation took place.
Me: Don't you just boil water in a pot for awhile and put the eggs in and let them sit there for ten minutes?
Greg: No.
I looked it up, and "the best hard boiled eggs" include vinegar and boiling in cold water first. Color me shocked! No wonder my hard boiled eggs always sucked. I was doing it wrong!
However, the article started with a sentence similar to the following: "I really like hardboiled eggs. I used to eat them every day, until the doctor told me that eating the same thing daily wasn't healthy."
For some reason, this egg article hit me in the heart. That or, I was having a heart attack based on the cottage cheese levels in my blood. I realized that, hey - not only are my food stages not normal, but they're also really, really boring.
So, today is the day of change. For breakfast, I made a Lender's bagel with egg whites and tomato. For lunch, the leftover chili I brought seriously barely fits in my lunch box or work fridge. Let's see how that works out. I give this whole project about a week. Although I like food, and sometimes wish I could do part-time culinary school to just learn basics a bit better (ie: eggs), I'm simply a creature of habit. Ranch dressing dip, to me, is as big of an afternoon wakeup as the gallon of coffee I drink in the morning.
Speaking of food stages, remember when I was obsessed with Kool Aid? Oh yes. I might bring that back into the daily rotation. Here's a conversation I'm having
jenn:
today might be the day i make a pitcher of sharkleberry
Sent at 9:25 AM on Wednesday
me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DOOO IIITT
jenn: i'm wondering if like
i can make it without any sugar, and then just put packets of splenda in as i drink a glass?
me: That might work.
It may not mix as well
jenn: hmm
idk, i feel like splenda dissolves pretty easily
since that's how i do it with my iced tea and iced coffee and stuff?
Sent at 9:29 AM on Wednesday
me: I know they do Kool Aid in the individual glass
Like, you put the powder in (and it has a little sugar in it) and make it individually
I'm sure you'll be fine.
All Jenn had to do was mention Sharkleberry, and my longing grew. I still have about 90 packets left due to generous friends, who helped support my sugary addiction. See, the problem I had with Kool Aid overall is the amount of Splenda used in it (lots) v. the amount of time it took me to drink a pitcher (no time). So if Splenda = $$, then $$ - T = :( What a sad formula.
I'm thinking of starting a one-woman twitter campaign to bring it back. I'd say a facebook group, but psh. I don't want to be spammed with weird sex chain letter posts, which happens to all mega-popular, relevant groups. Hashtag #SharkleberryFin you guys. Or if that's too much work, #Sharkleberry. Or maybe just #Sharkle. I know twitter is limiting, after all.
It was thanks to twitter that I learned from Peter that Safe-T-Rider was on the news recently. "On Scene", for the record. Now, who is Safe-T-Rider, you may ask? .... We're friends, right? But being that my sister had no clue, maybe I shared my love of this cat only to a select group.
My friend Catherine (who I unfortunately haven't talked to for decades) used to locate just the weirdest, best sites on the internet. It was thanks to her that I learned about that guy who dressed up like Peter Pan, and the legendary Yo!Bots (whose site is oddly still up, even though I think the band broke up.) And of course, she found Safe-T-Rider.
Safe-T is a lanky, rapping cat that sings a song that's seriously like, a half hour long, about the safety of elevators, escalators, and moving walkways. Included in the rap are some kick-ass dance moves utilizing the arms, legs, and eye-rolls. I think that in my lifetime, I may have spent a solid 2 weeks laughing over the video. But, the good, educational kinds of laughter. I was laughing WITH Safe-T.
That was about a decade ago. In college, I used to make sure my friends passed the Safe-T test (an alarming amount didn't.) Did I write about this whole thing before?* Oh well. I'll post 90 entries about Safe-T-Rider since I love him.
Only due to Peter's mention did I suddenly feel compelled to YouTube this guy. I knew the Safe-T costume was available back then, but since I didn't think the hundreds of dollars for rental would equal the hilarity and perhaps nightmare-inducing reaction that I hoped to gain, it's better that he's been used in schools to actually try and teach kids that goofing off on an escalator was no bueno.
I'm not going to embed videos, since:
A) It'll screw up my blog layout, and
B) I know nobody truly cares about seeing an uncomfortably chesty Safe-T-Rider but me. (Safe-T is a male cat, you guys. It's obvious. And I know I screwed up the gender of my cat for a little bit, but I'm 100% positive on this call!)
... but if you want to check them out, I'm not stopping you. At least check out the Safe-T Rap. (If not, I can't really pity you if you get stuck between floors of an elevator and start to panic.)
I guess i'll wrap up by talking about something cool you might be interested in. I was lucky enough to attend the Stewart/Colbert Rally to Restore Sanity a couple weekends ago, and man. Was that insane.
I cheated, and caught a glimpse of the show synopsis beforehand - so Jeff Tweedy (swoon) with Mavis Staples (Beacon?) wasn't a surprise, nor was Sheryl Crow. But know who was? Cat Mother-effing - Stevens!
My Dad: Who was the best performance?
Me: Cat Stevens!
My Dad: Really?
Me: YES.
Here's the thing about Cat (Yusuf). He's still got it. Even though his version of Crazy Train was sadly/hilariously interrupted by Ozzy Osbourne, I truly felt moved when he sang it. After all, he pretty much represented a chunk of my musical childhood. Sidenote: Very glad Sharon, Lois, and Bram weren't there, since I might have had a panic attack.
The signs were hilarious, yet a bit of a nuisance when an estimated 260k attendance were all seeking an exit at once. Below are pictures of my favorite sign, me enjoying a field in gigantic sunglasses, and a random swingdance party post-rally. (Again, it was awesome, but every distraction and side-event meant that I was stuck between a guy in a clown costume and a person dressed as a teabag, in back of a dude with crutches. Leaving the field took about 30-45 minutes, with a good amount of hustle.)
I think I liked this one solely since it was the first of the hilarious signs that I saw. I was without a sign (besides the free sign given to me to rally against FOX) and had some good ideas, but being that I could barely fit on the Metro as is, a sign would have been an inconvenience.
Another good yet inconvenient idea: A blanket. Yet truth be told, I didn't really care if my jeans had mud stains on them. I'm sure I'd fit right in. (Also, the people who brought blankets that took up a lot of room weren't my favorite people.)
I wish this didn't compress, since that girl in the back with the sign (which said something like, "I didn't bring a gun this year and I probably won't next year") seemed so happy to be there.* Being that "Elevator Safety Figures" is a saved label on this blog, yes. Yes I have.
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